Resolutions vs Regulation: Why the ‘Fresh Start’ feels like a threat to your nervous system
The start of the new year always feels like a clean slate, with so many of us creating resolutions, vision boards, and ways to be the best us possible in 2026. While for some find this exciting, for many of us, a clean slate feels like a heavy burden, one full of pressure, overwhelming expectations, and a (sometimes not so) subtle sense of dread.
The ‘Fresh Start’ Paradox: When inspiration turns to pressure
I don’t know about you, but by late December, I couldn’t avoid content about the new year. It felt like endless content saying: ‘Vision board with me to manifest your dream life!’ or ‘Follow these steps to become a millionaire in 2026’ or ‘2026 is going to be the year that I’m the best me possible.’
None of this is inherently bad or wrong. But when we’re being bombarded with content on how to change in the new year, some of us start questioning ourselves: “What’s wrong with me now?” These thoughts can quickly turn into additional pressure to change yourself in order to fit in with the crowd.
When you’re met with content talking about how 2026 is still a ‘blank slate’, which means ‘freedom to redefine yourself’ it is important to notice how that feels for you. Sometimes a blank slate isn’t an opportunity but actually feels like instability or a void that has to be filled.
Why the “Blank Slate” Triggers the Brain
For neurodivergent folks and trauma survivors, a blank slate doesn’t always represent freedom; it can represent instability or highlight a supposed void.
The neurodivergent brain
As someone with ADHD, I’m all too familiar with the ‘novelty high’ of the new year, the excitement of making changes, starting new hobbies, and trying new things. But when the novelty and excitement wear off (which can happen in a matter of days or even hours), the motivation to keep these changes fades, and we easily fall back into old patterns and behaviors. Because that’s what the brain wants – predictable dopamine hits.
The traumatized brain
The main goal of a traumatized brain is for survival. This means, ‘blank slates’ and resolutions can send a screaming alarm of DANGER!!! Trauma survivors need stability and predictability to feel safe. A blank slate doesn’t feel exciting or full of opportunities, it creates a void and a lack of predictability that is often incredibly triggering (and filled with anxiety).
When your brain is different from a neurotypical person's, you don’t get the same benefits from resolutions that another person may. This has nothing to do with you as a person but has everything to do with how your brain works.
So many of us will experience an internal conflict – a desire for change alongside a need for the known, even if the known is painful. We will often choose the known pain over the unknown, even if the unknown could feel better (or less painful). So why is that? To put it simply, it’s just in our biology. The unknown feels scary and poses potential dangers, and the brain’s job is to keep you safe and alive. So, when change (even for the good) involves some level of the unknown, we may find ourselves stuck in the same situation over and over.
Why ‘New Year, New Me’ Can Hurt
In my practice, I often use a schema therapy approach to examine the core beliefs we hold about ourselves, other people, and the world. The ‘New Year, New Me’ narrative often pokes at two specific wounds:
The Defectiveness/Shame Schema: the intense push for ‘improvements’ during the new year can trigger the deep-rooted belief that you are fundamentally broken or flawed. Instead of feeling motivated or excited to make changes in your life, you may feel pain and anger towards yourself, pushing you further away from these goals.
The Failure Schema: this one is very common for neurodivergent folks. When the inevitable loss of motivation hits, the internal critic takes over and may say things like “Why can’t I stick to anything? I suck. I’ll never reach my goals.” Which often shuts down neurodivergent folks and pushes you further away from these goals.
Sometimes resolutions are great, and seeing the new year as a blank canvas waiting to be painted can be a useful way of thinking. But, there are some people (and some brains) that just don’t work that way, and that’s okay. What’s important is recognizing how your brain works and learning how to work with it, not against it.
The Somatic Perspective: When the body’s alarm starts
Often, how the body responds to the new year goes unnoticed and flies under the radar – sometimes we associate the discomfort with a physical health issue (“I must be getting the flu”) or we view it as a necessity for creating change. And sometimes that’s true; sometimes we experience discomfort as we create the changes we want or need in ourselves, but there’s always a flip side to this. Sometimes the discomfort we feel is the body’s alarm that danger lies ahead.
Our nervous system is always scanning our environment, without us telling it to, to detect danger and keep us safe. The problem with this is that sometimes our nervous system gets it wrong (hence anxiety). A good way to remember this is that our nervous system is more like the ‘monkey brain’ that takes everything around it at face value. A person yelling loudly? Dangerous and must be avoided. The neck of a shirt is too tight? Obviously you’re being choked and will die if you don’t remove the shirt immediately.
On a more related note, sudden changes and being surrounded by ‘newness’ can be flagged as dangerous by the nervous system. This can result in sudden feelings of anxiety, desire to shut down and/or run away, isolating yourself from others, feelings of restlessness, or even a sudden onset of pain/illness.
The body’s response to change can also be a bit more predictable. When you’re trying to change too much too fast, you can end up feeling overstimulated from all the additional input that is not usual for you. Or, in sometimes more extreme cases, things such as over-exercising, extreme (or crash) dieting, rigid scheduling (and then lack of proper rest) can create serious physical health issues.
Shifting the Approach: From reset to integration
I know, I know, I just spent an entire blog talking about all the reasons why resolutions don’t work for people and that there isn’t any point to making them, but that’s not necessarily true either! Instead of seeing the new year as an opportunity to become a new person, the focus is better spent on becoming a more supported person. You can still set goals and resolutions, but the kicker here is that you’re creating goals and resolutions that are already aligned with who you are.
This is all about shifting the focus from fixing flaws to providing resources.
How can this happen?
A great place to start is grounding yourself (there are a bunch of ways to do this, so pick what works best for you!).
Once you’re feeling more connected with yourself and your physical environment, take a moment to reflect – what worked well over the past year, where are you currently (emotionally, mentally). Next, ask yourself how you define a supported you – what would that version of you look like? How would they respond to stress or anxiety? How would they feel emotionally? Based on those answers, you can then work yourself back to small adjustments that support you.
Grounding yourself can also be incredibly useful when the “January panic” starts kicking in. This may feel like high levels of anxiety or feeling the urge to rush. You can try this somatic check-in during this time:
Acknowledge the feeling, whether that’s anxiety or the urge to hurry or catch up.
Apply touch by placing one hand on your heart, the other on your belly,.
Take a few slow breaths and say to yourself “I’m allowed to move at a pace that feels safe.”
On a larger scale, these reactions to resolutions can show you parts of yourself that need time to heal and extra love and attention. You can do this by practicing self-compassion or by reaching out to others for more support (friends, family, or even therapy).
Remember, you don’t need to change to have a great 2026; you can work on integrating all parts of yourself and support yourself to achieve it.
