Unmasking Exhaustion: A Psychologist’s Guide to Neurodivergent Burnout
In the past few years, burnout has become a hot topic not only in mental health but also in the corporate world. Discussions are more open about what burnout is, what recovery looks like, and how to prevent it long-term. In fact, we recently held a webinar discussing exactly this.
While we discussed burnout in the general sense, some attendees asked more specifically about burnout for neurodivergent folk — is it a different experience? What would this look like if it is?
Sure, general burnout and neurodivergent burnout may look similar on the surface; however, several core differences matter and are necessary to discuss and understand if we want to recover and heal from neurodivergent burnout.
What does neurodivergent mean?
To explain what I mean by neurodivergent burnout, we first need to agree on what ‘neurodivergent’ (ND for short) means.
I know this is a hot topic online; I see plenty of videos on social media with people discussing what this means, who is considered neurodivergent, what this means about life, and more. I’m sure many of you reading this right now have also been fed plenty of content on being neurodivergent, whether you are or not. (I feel pretty confident about this considering how many clients will come in and share these types of videos with me, or explain what they’ve seen online and how they relate to it)
To avoid repeating what you may already know, I’ll keep the details brief.
The term neurodivergent is relatively new (in psychology, anything from the 80s until now is considered ‘new’, btw) and describes a group of people whose brains process information, learn, and behave differently than what society considers ‘typical.’ When using this term, we’re usually referring to people who have:
Autism Spectrum Disorder
Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder
Dyslexia and Dyscalculia
Dyspraxia
Tourette Syndrome
Additional definitions
Masking
Before moving forward, I think it’s important to explain what I mean by the word ‘masking ’, as this will come up regularly in the topic of neurodivergent burnout.
Masking is basically the same thing as camouflaging. ND folks use masking as a survival or coping mechanism, as a way to fit in and avoid bullying, or to prevent discrimination as a whole.
How people mask is as individual and unique as the rest of ND, and generally depends on the person’s environment, the severity of their ND, and even their energy levels. Some of the most common masking behaviors are:
Suppressing stimming
Forcing eye contact
Scripting conversations in advance
Mirroring others’ mannerisms
Hiding sensory overload
Executive (dys)function
Executive functioning acts as the brain’s manager, helping you manage everyday tasks, organize plans, solve problems, adapt to new situations, even regulate emotions, and support working memory. When everything is in working order, you’ll feel in control of your life, have better mental and physical health, and enjoy a higher overall quality of life.
Executive dysfunction is basically the opposite. This is when your brain’s manager works against you instead of with you. When you’re experiencing executive dysfunction, you may experience:
Difficulties with starting or finishing tasks (often referred to as ‘mental paralysis’)
Time blindness
Forgetting instructions or losing items
Increased difficulties with emotional control and regulation (i.e., reacting with intense frustration or being unable to calm down)
Trouble adapting to changes of plans or difficulties with switching between tasks
Demand avoidance
Demand avoidance, or pathological demand avoidance/pervasive demand avoidance (PDA), is an intense resistance to everyday requests, expectations, or life demands.
Unfortunately for most ND folk, everything in life starts feeling like an expectation or demand – getting dressed, eating, answering a phone call, anything really – which often leaves us feeling frustrated, annoyed, anxious, or completely overwhelmed. Keep in mind, demands can come externally or internally and still be met with the same avoidance.
What is neurodivergent burnout?
What is neurodivergent burnout?
Like general burnout, neurodivergent burnout (NDB for short) is a state of profound physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion. However, the biggest difference is that NDB exhaustion usually comes from the chronic stress of living and masking in a world designed for neurotypical brains.
Essentially, ND folk experience more stress from daily life than a neurotypical person simply because of the way the brain works. In order to survive in the neurotypical world, most of us ND folk have to learn how to mask or behave ‘normally’ despite the discomfort that this causes.
This creates a painful dilemma: mask and be exhausted (and ultimately, burn out quickly) or unmask and risk discrimination and stigma. So what can we do when it feels like we have no choice but to mask and face exhaustion?
Learn the signs
When so much feels outside your control and you're stuck deciding between a rock and a hard place, sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is learn the signs of burnout. While there will naturally be overlap between more ‘traditional’ burnout and NDB, it's still crucial to acknowledge all the signs and symptoms:
Executive dysfunction
Skill regression (or functional collapse)
Sensory overwhelm and nervous system dysfunction (aka overstimulation)
Feeling like the world is collapsing around you
Loss of interest in special interests or hobbies
Needing more downtime than usual to function (bare minimum functioning)
Pulling away from people, even people you like
Increased meltdowns or shutdowns
Struggling with daily tasks that usually feel manageable
Lower tolerance for change or demands (more demand avoidance than what is typical)
Recovering from neurodivergent burnout
Expecting to recover from neurodivergent burnout in the same way as a neurotypical burnout can make the symptoms worse. If our brains function fundamentally differently than a neurotypical brain, then why would we be able to rest and recover in the same ways?
Spoon theory
Some of you may already be familiar with the spoon theory. If not, here is a quick overview of how it works and why it is useful for NDB recovery.
The Spoon Theory explains how people with chronic illnesses, including ND, have limited energy, represented by spoons. Each day, you may wake up with a different number of spoons depending on a variety of factors (poor sleep, a stressful week, physical pain, etc.), or you may wake up with the same number of spoons every day.
With this model, every single task costs a specific number of spoons.
Let’s look at an example:
Let’s say you wake up tomorrow morning with 10 spoons; that’s all the energy you have to spend all day. Before your day even begins, you have to get out of bed (-2 spoons), take a shower and get ready for the day (-4 spoons), and make breakfast (-1 spoon); this means by 9 am, you’re left with only 3 spoons.
And what happens when you run out of spoons? You crash.
A major part of burnout, especially NDB, is consistently spending energy you simply don't have without building in the time you need to recover.
How this can help with recovery (and additional tips!)
Using shared vocabulary like spoons helps you map your daily energy limits and evaluate what each task truly costs. Once you understand these costs, you can make choices that support you. Here’s how you can start your recovery journey:
Base your day around the spoons you have, not your to-do list. Even if this means focusing on low-spoon tasks/activities. You are allowed to want your day to fit you and not the other way around.
Create your ‘spoons budget.’ Look ahead at the upcoming days and weeks, factoring in high-energy tasks or events into your plans. Build in intentional rest before demanding events to help maintain balance.
Externalize tasks to conserve your spoons. Use an app, reminders, calendars, or a running to-do list to track tasks instead of relying on your memory. We often forget that recalling tasks still takes energy, so be kind to yourself.
Prioritize rest. I know this can give off the same vibe as ‘have you tried not being stressed?’ but let me explain. Prioritize and allow rest whenever possible, in whatever way you need. The neurodivergent brain requires different types of rest:
sensory (relieving your nervous system and preventing or managing overstimulation/understimulation),
mental (brain break from planning, analyzing, or tracking),
emotional (unmask!),
physical (body break),
social (spending time alone or with safe people),
creative (brain break from creating ideas, problem-solving, or workarounds), and
spiritual (reconnecting to yourself).
Spend more time unmasked. Yes, this was included in emotional rest, but since one of the biggest contributing factors to NDB is masking, it deserves a second mention. This might look like saying ‘no’ more often to reduce social performing, creating affirming spaces with other ND folks, or practicing safe stimming freely (like rocking or fidgeting)
Shift your focus inward and reflect on your own needs. Like unmasking and finding rest, shifting your focus inward lets you reconnect with yourself and what you want and need. From there, you can establish healthier boundaries moving forward. You can read more about boundary setting here.
Burnout can feel like a massive mountain to climb, and when it stems from trying to exist in a world that isn’t designed for you, it can feel impossible.
Ultimately, this is not your fault. It is not your fault that you were born neurodivergent and in a society that didn’t consider your needs. While the burnout isn’t your fault, taking steps toward recovery is how you take your power back. The road may feel long, but recovery is entirely possible.
If you’re struggling with your recovery and would benefit from further support, contact us here to schedule a free consultation with any therapist on our team.
