Cognitive Distortions: When Your Mind Plays Tricks on You
Have you ever caught yourself thinking:
‘I always mess things up.’
‘They definitely think I’m annoying.’
‘If this goes wrong, my life is over.’
If so, you’re definitely not alone.
We all have unhelpful thought patterns from time to time. In therapy, these are often called cognitive distortions or errors. These are habits of thinking that can skew how we see ourselves, other people, and the world around us.
They’re not signs that something is ‘wrong’ with you. In fact, they’re incredibly common, especially when we’re stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, or struggling with low self-esteem. The complicated part is that these thoughts can feel completely true in the moment.
Here’s an explanation of the 15 most common cognitive distortions that I see come up for clients and how they appear in our daily life…
1. All-or-Nothing Thinking
This is when things feel very black and white i.e. things are either a total success or a complete disaster.
For example:
‘If I can’t do it perfectly, there’s no point.’
‘I ate one unhealthy meal, so I’ve ruined everything.’
‘Either I do it right or not at all.’
There’s no room for mistakes, learning, or ‘good enough.’ But real life usually exists somewhere in the middle.
2. Overgeneralising
This happens when one difficult experience turns into a sweeping conclusion.
For example:
“That relationship didn’t work out, so nobody will ever want me.”
‘I failed once so I’m obviously terrible at this.’
‘Nothing good ever happens.’
Words like always, never, and everyone often show up. One moment gets turned into a lifelong pattern.
3. Mental Filter
A mental filter is when your brain zooms in on the negative and ignores everything else.
Imagine getting ten compliments and one criticism, but only thinking about the criticism all day.
It’s as if your mind has developed a filter that only lets the bad stuff through. We notice our failure but don’t see our successes.
4. Disqualifying the Positive
This one dismisses positive experiences instead of letting them count.
For example:
‘They were just being polite.’
‘Anyone could have done that.’
Even when good things happen, they somehow ‘don’t count.’ Over time, this can really chip away at confidence and self-worth.
5. Jumping to Conclusions
This is when we assume we know what’s going to happen, or what other people are thinking, without real evidence.
Examples:
“They haven’t replied yet, so they must be upset with me.”
“There’s no point trying because I’ll probably fail anyway.”
Our brains are very good at filling in gaps, especially when anxiety is involved. We can tend to fall into the trap of mind reading (imagining we know what others are thinking) or fortune telling (predicting the future).
6. Catastrophising and Minimisation
Catastrophising
This is expecting the worst-case scenario.
‘If I make a mistake in this presentation, my career is over.’
‘If they’re quiet, something terrible must be wrong.’
Minimisation
The opposite can happen too… meaning that we downplay our strengths or achievements.
‘It wasn’t a big deal.’
‘I only did well because I got lucky.’
Many people are much kinder and more realistic about other people than they are about themselves.
7. Emotional Reasoning
This is when feelings get treated as facts.
‘I feel anxious, so something bad must be happening.’
‘I feel guilty, so I must have done something wrong.’
Emotions are important, but they aren’t always accurate reflections of reality. Feelings can be influenced by stress, exhaustion, past experiences, and fear.
8. “Should” and “Must” Statements
These are the rigid rules we place on ourselves and others.
‘I should be coping better.’
‘I must never let anyone down.’
‘I should always be productive.’
These thoughts often create pressure, guilt, and frustration, especially when the expectations are unrealistic.
9. Labelling
Labelling means defining yourself by one mistake or difficult moment.
‘I’m such an idiot.’
‘I’m a failure.’
Instead of seeing a behaviour (making a mistake), the whole identity becomes negative.
10. Personalisation
This is taking responsibility or blaming yourself for things that aren’t entirely your fault or may not even involve you at all.
‘They seem quiet today; I must have upset them.’
‘If someone is unhappy, it’s probably because of me.’
Personalisation can lead to a lot of guilt and emotional exhaustion.
11) Blaming
When something goes wrong, the mind looks for a target instead of understanding the situation. Sometimes we blame others for all our problems; other times we blame ourselves for everything.
For example:
‘My team missed the deadline because nobody supports me.’
‘My friend is upset, so it must be my fault.’
12) Control Fallacies
This distortion swings between two extremes: feeling powerless over everything, or feeling responsible for everything.
Example:
‘I can’t be happy unless my boss changes.’
‘If everyone around me isn’t okay, I’ve failed.’
13) Fallacy of Fairness
The belief that life should operate according to our personal sense of fairness, and then feeling frustration when it doesn’t e.g. ‘I work harder than they do, so I deserve the promotion more.’
14) Heaven’s Reward Fallacy
Believing that sacrifice, suffering, or self-denial will eventually be rewarded automatically.
Example:
‘I keep doing everything for everyone. Eventually they’ll appreciate me.’
‘If I continue working overtime, I have to get the promotion’.
15) Always Being Right
Needing to prove you’re correct at all costs, even when it damages relationships or blocks learning. Instead of listening during an argument, your only focus is on winning it.
So What Can Help?
The first step is simply noticing these thought patterns when they show up.
You don’t have to force yourself into ‘positive thinking’, and therapy isn’t about pretending everything is fine. Instead, it’s about learning to pause and ask:
Is this thought completely true?
Am I looking at the full picture?
Would I say this to someone I care about?
Over time, this can help create more balanced, compassionate ways of thinking.
It’s important to remember that cognitive distortions are often automatic. Most of us don’t consciously choose these thoughts. They can develop over years through past experiences, stress, anxiety, criticism, or difficult relationships. This means changing them takes patience and practice.
The good news is that thoughts are not facts. Just because something feels convincing doesn’t automatically make it true. Learning to recognise these patterns can create a bit more space between you and the thought itself, so you can respond differently rather than getting pulled in by it.
This is where therapy can really help. Having a supportive, non-judgemental space to explore your thoughts can make it easier to understand where these patterns come from and how they may be affecting your confidence, relationships, or emotional wellbeing. Over time, therapy can help you build healthier ways of responding to yourself, and allow space for more flexibility, self-awareness, and compassion.
The way we talk to ourselves matters. The goal isn’t perfection - it’s learning to respond to ourselves with a little more understanding and a bit less criticism.
If you’re interested in working with us at Therapy with Olivia book your free consultation here, or if you would like to learn more about our services, click here.