World Suicide Prevention Day: A therapist’s advice on how you can help someone who is suicidal
Talking to someone about suicide does not make it more likely to happen. In fact, there’s evidence suggesting that talking to someone who is suicidal usually improves the situation, as they feel less alone. It is better to address the person’s feeling directly, rather than avoiding the issue. Don’t be afraid to ask, ‘are you thinking about suicide?’ or ‘are you having thoughts about hurting yourself/ ending your life?’.
This September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month and Friday 10th September marks World Suicide Prevention Day. With suicide being the 2nd largest cause of death worldwide, I believe it’s more important than ever to begin breaking down the stigma surrounding suicide by starting up conversations to educate and support each other.
Nearly 800,000 people die by suicide every year, equating to roughly 1 death every 40 seconds. Even more people attempt suicide, with there being an estimated 1 completed suicide for every 25 attempts. Suicide can be an uncomfortable topic for people to discuss, but the more we destigmatize this topic and provide support for those suffering, the more suicides can be prevented.
What makes someone think of suicide?
There are many reasons why someone may think of suicide or make a suicide attempt. These include risk factors, such as:
- Having a mental health condition e.g., depression, anxiety, schizophrenia etc
- Having a physical health condition, especially if it causes pain
- Difficult life events e.g., abuse or trauma
- Misuse of drugs or alcohol
- Living alone or having minimal social contact
- Problems with money or finding/ maintaining work
- Something upsetting/ life changing e.g., loss of a loved one or a breakup
- Wanting to escape what they feel is an impossible or unbearable situation
Signs of suicidal thoughts or actions
Someone who is suicidal might be acting different to how you usually know them. They could be exhibiting dramatic mood changes or withdrawing from their loved ones. They might be using more drugs or alcohol and behaving recklessly. They could be experiencing anxiety or distress, as well as feeling trapped and hopeless. They might even be threatening to kill themselves or trying to access the means to attempt suicide. The type of thoughts suicidal people may be having:
- ‘I am a burden.’
- ‘What’s the point in living?’
- ‘Things will never get better.’
- ‘I can’t see a future for myself.’
- ‘No one needs me.’
What you can do to help
Listen to them (and check-in on them)
Listen to them without judgement. It can be hard for someone who is suicidal to articulate what they are feeling: they are often feeling scared, maybe even guilty, or just don’t know where to start in describing how they feel. Be patient with them and reassuring, allowing them the space to share how they feel without judgement. Sometimes even small gestures, such as asking ‘how are you today?’, can make a real difference. People who are suicidal often simply want someone to check-in on them and help them to feel less alone.
Don’t shy away from the hard questions
Talking to someone about suicide does not make it more likely to happen. In fact, there’s evidence suggesting that talking to someone who is suicidal usually improves the situation, as they feel less alone. It is better to address the person’s feeling directly, rather than avoiding the issue. Don’t be afraid to ask, ‘are you thinking about suicide?’ or ‘are you having thoughts about hurting yourself/ ending your life?’.
Avoid trying to solve the problem
Often when we try to support friends and family during difficult times, we quickly enter problem solving mode, as we want to help them as much as we can and as quickly as we can. However, what most people need is simply reassurance and an honest conversation. It’s important to listen closely and to understand someone before attempting to offer quick-fixes or solutions. In the same vein, avoid telling someone to ‘get over it’ or ‘cheer up’, or telling them that they have no reason to feel how they do. This will likely make the person feel even more alone, unheard, and patronised.
Help with daily chores
For people struggling with suicidal thoughts, or any mental illness, completing everyday tasks can feel like climbing a never-ending mountain. You can offer support by picking up their groceries, cooking them a meal, helping tidy up around the house or scheduling appointments for them.
Suggest professional help
When appropriate, it could be helpful to encourage them to go to a psychologist or a psychiatrist who can offer them professional help. As mentioned above, you could help them schedule the appointment, fill in an intake form, or drive them to the session. When encouraging someone to seek professional help, it’s important to remember that seeking help is often stigmatised, and to reassure them that getting help is not shameful and does not make them ‘weak’.
Ensure that they are safe
In acute situations, the most important thing to do could be to ensure that the individual is in a safe environment and away from direct harm. It could be a good idea to create a crisis plan, so that the individual does not have to be alone and certain objects could be removed from the home. It might be appropriate to call a crisis line or emergency services if you think they are a risk to themselves. In the Netherlands, (0800-0)113 is the 24-hour national suicide hotline.
It’s important to remember to always practice your own self-care after helping someone in a crisis situation. These types of encounters can be difficult and may have a significant impact on you. It’s important to look out for yourself and see what support might be available for you, too. It is only through talking about suicide that we can hopefully prevent it; your support could make a huge difference to someone’s life.
If you or someone you love is struggling with suicidal thoughts or actions, please reach out to a mental health professional, contact emergency services on 112, or reach out to (0800-0)113, the 24-hour national suicide hotline (NL).
